niki
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letter to santathis had me laughing out loud
Dear Santa,
I've been a good mum all year. I've fed, cleaned and cuddled my children on
demand, visited the doctor's office more than my doctor, sold
sixty-two cases of choc bars to raise money to plant a shade tree on the
school playground, kept my temper a million times more than I've lost it,
answered the same questions 1572 times and done 163 loads of laundry.
I was hoping you could spread my list out over several Christmases, since I
had to write this letter with my son's red crayon, on
the back of a receipt in the utility room between cycles, and who knows when
I'll find anymore free time in the next 18 years.
Here are my Christmas wishes:
I'd like a pair of legs that don't ache (in any colour, except purple, which
I already have) and arms that don't hurt or flap in the
breeze; but are strong enough to pull my screaming child out of the lolly
aisle in the grocery store.
I'd also like a waist, since I lost mine somewhere in the seventh month of
my last pregnancy.
If you're hauling big ticket items this year I'd like fingerprint resistant
windows and a radio that only plays adult music; a television that doesn't
broadcast any programs containing talking animals; and a refrigerator with a
secret compartment behind the veg drawer where I can hide to talk on the
phone.
On the practical side, I could use a talking doll that says, 'Yes, Mummy' to
boost my parental confidence, along with two kids who don't fight and three
pairs of jeans that will zip all the way up without the use of power tools.
I could also use a recording of Tibetan monks chanting 'Don't eat in the
living room' and 'Take your hands off your brother,' because my voice seems
to be just out of my children's hearing range and can only be heard by the
dog.
If it's too late to find any of these products, I'd settle for enough time
to brush my teeth and comb my hair in the same morning, or the luxury
of eating food warmer than room temperature without it being served in a
Styrofoam container. If you don't mind, I could also use a few Christmas
miracles to brighten the holiday season.
Would it be too much trouble to declare tomato sauce a vegetable? It will
clear my conscience immensely. It would be helpful if you could coerce my
children to help around the house without demanding payment as if they were
the bosses of an organized crime family.
Well, Santa, the washing machine has finished, my son saw my feet under the
utility room door. I think he wants his crayon back.
Have a safe trip and remember to leave your wet boots by the door and come
in and dry off so you don't catch cold. Help yourself to cookies on the
table but don't eat too many or leave crumbs on the carpet.
Yours Always,
MUM.
P.S. One more thing...you can cancel all my requests if you can keep my
children happy and healthy this year.
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lor138
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 . Love that! She sounds so exasperated!!
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Townie
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Ho Ho Ho Sounds just like our house
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Julie
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I had tears running down my face and I'm exhausted now.
Can't you tell Niki's reached that point where she craves some adult company
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PurpleDragon
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LOL
I like the hiding space behind the veg door - I need one of those for when I am on the phone. My kids have radar - the second the person at the other end of the line answers, my kids have questions/needs that are imperative.
Incidentally, there was a new game I saw advertised on the TV the other day that has a built in option that says "Well done!" in the parents voice - to save the parent talking to the child at all, I imagine.
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wildgarlic
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Yeah - I loved that....
If you are up to it then why not come along on Saturday Niki!!!!
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Sassinak
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We'd love to see you and promise not to put ketchup on everything 
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niki
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whats happening on saturday?
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wildgarlic
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Neeps food co-op meet/'christmas' party at mine 
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niki
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:oops: ive been having contractions on and off for a couple of days so i will decline, sorry i want to be near aberdeen in case i pop.
have a great party though!
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Julie
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I'm going Niki so if you do you will have to ring my mobile.
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Sassinak
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Don't I recall that mobiles don't work very well at WGs or am I thin king of somewhere else?
Might be best to give her the landline number just in case
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wildgarlic
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Ok - Julie's got my home number - please feel free to pass it on Julie. Need that birth partner on call (no wine for you Julie!)
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