Homeschool peer socialisation

PurpleDragon · Homeschool peer socialisation

Question for the home school parents. How do you get your kids socialised?

Question for all the other parents. Do you think it matters if kids only play with siblings and dont get out and play with other kids?

IainC

I'd imagine that you'd want them to socialise with other kids their own age, esp when they are younger. Don't think that school is the only place for this though.

Swimming lessons, dancing, football, cubs/brownies, etc There must be loads of groups that you could take the kid(s) to that will help them socialise with others the same age as themselves.

I would imagine (but have been proved wrong often enough not to take my own word for it

) that any kid(s) who only played with siblings would either be less confident with others, or go completely the other way and be quite bossy, etc of everyone else (as they do with their siblings).

baldowrie

I have only done short bouts of home schooling but children who are home school tend to be more confidant around adults and other children. They also socialise in clubs and groups they go to more readily without the pressure to conform applied to them by the school system.

Many home schoolers meet regularly for socialisation of the children and general chats with other like minded adults. Visits to libraries, particularly if your library do a literacy day/hour is very beneficial.

First time I home schooled my children was because the school system had bought my son, at the age of 7, to the point of despair and I caught him with his fingers down his throat to make himself sick so he didn't have to go to school. 6 mths of home schooling resulted in a very confident little boy whose self esteem was through the roof and on the return to school system made friends readily, where as there had been problem in this area before hand.

Socialisation should be natural, with encouragement, and not forced and when children are able to socialise this way they are more confident in making friends.

farmers_wife

My youngest son aged 7 and half is home educated and has been since just before he turned 6. He does not socialise at all with children his own age, only with older children and adults.

He has Asperger’s and doe not understand his peers, finds them all very childish. He is great with teenagers and adults but not children.

When he was at school he was bullied constantly by his peers as he was different.

He is very confidant, but not bossy, he can take control of a situation, as can his older siblings (all of whom are at school), but he does not get stroppy if he doesn't get his own way.

Are you considering Home Education then?

PurpleDragon

This is a combination of PMT and a knee jerk reaction to my middle child's school experience so far. She isn't being bullied per se - just ignored - and it is killing me, let alone what it is doing to her.

Since I posted, I have thought up a couple of new strategies to try and build her confidence and help her get the acceptance she feels excluded from.

baldowrie

ignoring is bullying too!

To be honest this is something the school staff should be picking up and dealing within the environment it is happening in, like setting up a 'buddy' system for to ensure she always has someone to play with. Showing those that have chosen to ignore her how it feels by doing an impromptu lesson where one child is ignored for a few mins, another shouted at etc....all forms of bullying. The discussion on how it feels. Mind you that will never happen!

I don't know how old she is but one the best way to boost her confidence and to realise those bullying her are not worth it is for to join an out of school club where by she can achieve things and be proud of it.

IainC

Ignoring I guess can be as bad if not worse than bullying as in general bullying is easier to spot (I guess).

What about trying to organise something "cool" for "her friends". Sometimes it can be something so little that's required to get kids talking/playing and once the barrier has been broken it's not a problem anymore.

What age is she anyway?

PurpleDragon

Yeah, I know ignoring is bullying. I experienced both types at school myself and I am hyper-sensitive about it.

I have a plan. I am going to invite 'friends' round for just one hour after school to play. That way, she has time without the group and the peer pressure to get to know the other children individually and on her own turf.

She is 4, she will be 5 in December.

IainC

baldowrie

yep would agree with that but obviously if she is showing a great deal of distress you have to make a move of some kind.

Talk to the school about a buddy system. That is where they get a primary 7 to 'play' with her and incourage other children to join until she is ready to go it alone...also called fair play in some schools. This system means she will always have some one to play with and talk to, who inturn can talk to a teacher if there are problems. It does work very well, my son has used it several times.

PurpleDragon

I think they have a buddy system in school - I will make sure she knows about it.

baldowrie

good, the teachers have to the be the ones to set it up for her though..frankly they should have been doing that already.

My lad ended up with a dozen 'buddies' at one stage as the girls all thought him sweet!

Sassinak

Unfortunately it is one of the drawbacks to living in the country.

When my daughter was small we lived in town, so when she started school it was alongside the neighbouring kids that she had seen frequently. She just walked in as if she had always done it and never looked back.

By the time my son started school we lived in the middle of nowhere. Both kids enjoyed the freedom that they got with that life and the ponies and animals etc, but it did mean that Jeff knew very few children his own age, he was more at ease with his older sister's friends and adults. He was very much a loner for the first year or so until he got to know them better. He said himself in later life that he had no regrets and would not have swapped the countriside for town, but he never had the confidence that Nix had (although that could be down to character as much as circumstances)
All you can do really is make sure that she has chance to mix with the kids as much as possible and don't let her see that you are upset. It is a very good school that she is at and I think that once you explain the problem they will do all they can to help. I don't think for a minute that there is any malice involved, the kids are just playing with the friends that they already know and once they get to know her, she will be included.

PurpleDragon

Thanks, all. Very valuable advice from all of you

I'm feeling a lot happier today, less hysterical (man, PMT has a lot to answer for!) and I also think that some of the altered strategies I have with her are paying off as well.

willowlion

have to echo what others have said about socialisation - we haven't found it a problem with home ed at all. Friends, clubs - there's a very nice home ed group, NOSHED (North of Scotland Home Educators) too with regular meets. My son has aspergers and it really turned things around for him - weve been down the bullying at school, self esteem destroyed path too

Leaving that aside, I also worked in quite a few schools over the years. If your concerns about the little girl continue a meeting with the head could make a difference (depends on the head of course). Hope it gets sorted for you

IslandLassie

I must admit that home schooling is something that has crossed my mind in the last couple of weeks. My eldest boy has been having a rough time at school.

After several visits back and forth to the school which didn't really achieve anything I was beginning to get more than a tad frustrated. This culminated in me losing the plot and screeching like a banshee at the headmaster. :oops: Not the best way to behave I know. I felt really bad afterwards.
But the upshot of that was that they have now established a buddy scheme for him, where a couple of the P7's buddy him at breaks and lunch. (He's just started P4). So I'm hoping things improve.
Regards to socialising, I don't have too many worries. He attends martial arts classes and Cubs, and is asking if he can start going to football too.
As he's quite a serious and quiet wee man, he tends to relate a little better to older children and adults, but I was the same growing up.

baldowrie

sometimes a good scream at the head achieves the best results, if only to shut you up!

Villagefarm

We're home-edding our kids - 8yrs, 6yrs, 4yrs, nearly 2 yrs and 1 month!

Socialising hasn't been a problem so far - 8yr ols was in school for 2 1/2 years, so had lots of pals, and goes to football, cubs, chess, cricket etc. 6yr old never been to school, but did go to nursery for 18 mths, she never really made any friends at nursery - but now plays with loads of kids around us, some older, some younger, some same age - only a couple I think I would really call friends, but what the heck. She had also started Rainbows which she enjoys (although even there the same subtle sort of bullying seems to go as at Nursery - name calling etc.) and more recently chess - which I am amazed at her enjoying and sticking with, as she has real problems concentrating on anything for more than a few minutes.

The wee ones play with their siblings and their friends just now, but hopefully as they get older they will make their own pals through clubs etc.

It's never an easy decision to make - but I felt, with our 6 yr old esp., that her biggest difficulty at school would be the social side of things, and therefore it would be much better for her to be in control of who she plays with and to choose her own actvities.

Ina

I was appalled at an interview on radio 4 I heard the other day - that was somebody from England, though, so I have no idea what it's like up here: That woman had had serious trouble finding a primary school for her child. It must have been in some large city; they have a "choice" where to send their children, which meant for her that she'd applied to 10 local schools - all the ones nearest to her street - for a place, and none of them had one... All full up. She placed an appeal to 5 of them, and ended up half way through first term with one that is 5 miles away from home, she needs the car to get her child to (three buses otherwise, and with a toddler in tow not doable). And she said all she'd wanted was a local school, so the kid could get there without car and safely, and had friends from the same area they lived in.
The school authorities, when applied to, told her she could always home-ed. Not an option for her (I had the feeling she was single mum), because somehow she had to earn a living, too. So much for choice, eyh!

Is it as bad as that in Scotland?

PurpleDragon

That is a shocking tale, Ina. I have always lived in the country, where everyone knows your family and history and to have to fight for a place in primary school is quite shocking to me.

On a different note - my daughter has finally settled in school and is doing well. She still has a bit of trouble with the learning part, but it is slowly starting to click. Also, she has made friends and I think that is what was her main problem. She is looking forward to school again now, and enjoyung playtime - no longer clinging at the gate.

Humans are social beings, aren't we - I think loneliness can be the worst torture.

Townie

Hi PD.. Glad your wee one is settling in at school .. thats great news

also one less worry for you too

Julie

When we were little - and in fact when my girls were little too - the school in your catchment area had to reserve a place for each child in their area. Then if there were any places left, they were up for grabs at the schools discretion. Which bright spark decided to change that arrangement I wonder?
Probably one of the same bunch of villains who have made it impossible to get an NHS dentist; Make the elderly sell their homes if they want care, leaving them nowhere to return to if they improve; Charge promising youngsters tuition fees for university (they all got grants to boot when they were there); Are systematically giving our sovereignty away to unelected beaurocrats in europe; Destabilised the middle East with an illegal war....etc..etc...etc...

No, I don't want to talk politics, just venting a little

Sassinak

It really is difficult not going down the "When I was a lass" route sometimes though isn't it